This is love..listen and melt !

Gram Parsons , what a fine fine purveyor of that country vibe musicians the world over love.....so free and easy...its thought that to be able to let yourself fly free and tell a story thats believable is something anyone can do...its not and this man demonstrated a one-off ability to do just that...I dig this huge myself and i hope you do too :0) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LY1m5g4eHVk

Roll up roll up !...Rollmops..golden virginia...pretentious stances...crinkling papers !

Okay okay ! I know ! Oi ! Alright calm down , dont be getting all Man United with me kiddo...

Well it doesnt quite go like that but i figure i`m fishing for a scene...the scene is cool , remember its East London , its just like Man Utd , supported by people who dont come from there...you know , an immigrant population of sorts...a gypsy gathering...it kind of benefits people in a strange mutated sort of way but all the while there is an underlying tension , it may go off any time now...i reckon the Bangladeshi kids round my way are gonna cotton on to the fact that there are very few cameras on the streets and that these immigrants that are flaunting their wealth in the these poorer kids faces almost pretentiously , are carrying a kings ransom in their sky rockets...and i aint joking...quite soon the street cats are going to crash the housecats party and relieve them of their material possessions whenever they see an opportunity...its going to be a massacre man , and i for one dont wanna be party , well im not the sort of cat to cross the street so maybe ill end up in the middle of it all , AGAIN...

Now , these housecats need to be smart here...we all know these privileged kids love a roll up...its two fingers up to mummy and daddy and the big cigarrette manufacturers...and two yellow stained fingers up their sexual partners arse if what you read about todays youth is to be believed...So , ditch the rollups , everyone knows you carry dough when you smoke rolies...plus if it aint a street cat frsiking you down , someone may just punch you in the mooey , because to be quite frank , it pisses everyone off...its the smug way you hold your little pouch. Its just like you holding your little dolly or action man when you were a bit younger , so youre in love with your ounce pack..thats ok...just put it away man , i love my dick but i dont hold it in a smug way in public.Then its the way you pluck out the desired amount , you know in just the same way you pretentiously season your beef bourgignon , the way your theatrically and meticulously measure that tobbacco is a FACKING windup , i`m serious !!

Oh you have filters do you ?? Oh another wrapper to disturb us you little asswipe , clever little i dont give a fuck about anyone elese but me asswipe..fuck you man , FUCK YOU !!!!! You absolute piece of shit , why i wanna kick your arse from here to the Zambezi Delta..and your gonna roll it like its the most creative thing you ever did since that time you pulled out an acostic and sung "wonderwall" to a load of fucktards in their skanky mums front room , give me hope please...tell me you can change your ways...

So as i follow you into the underground , you light up and the whole plume goes in my boatrace...nnnggghhhh...cunt !!!!cunt!!!!!cunt!!!!

The End...

For all the boys....

This is possibly most young mens dream...we were all born to be wild and Steppenwolf hit it right on the nose...The film is undoubtedly representative of that age and proves we could all do with a roadtrip with our buddies at one time in our lives..something man has been doing since year dot....Have a listen and watch the trailer , its the funking dogs bollocks !!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rMbATaj7Il8

Your rucksack might as well have arse raped me....

So , i`m on pikey taxi this morning...reading my Keith Richards Life...builders to the left of me , smokers to the right here i am, one seat just waiting for you...you know that feeling , youre reading but you just know something unpleasant is gonna plant its arse right next to you...so im just at the point where Anita Pallenburg is giving Keef a blowjob in his Bentley Continental flying spur (monster motor by the way,but thats another story) and i get something altogether depraved shoved straight in my mooey (face for all you cambridge`ers)...I cant quite come to my senses quick enough but this maniac is rubbing this thing all over my bonce..."what the FUCK  ?" i half say , half shout...And this fucking waste of cranium space turns round and says she`s sorry...she`s clearly got that too many bits of hand luggage syndrome..i mean what the fuck do you need all that shit for anyway ??? Carrier bags , laptop bag , shopping bag and the main offender , a cunting http://bit.ly/eA7C0u !!!! What the fucking fuck ??? WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK !!!! Seriously kiddo , you stole my Rolling Stones blowjob in valencia scene with a fucking http://bit.ly/eA7C0u.... why , i oughtta sock you in your derrty south !! Rubbing that gimp shizz all over my face you crusty http://bit.ly/erqn1y !!! Oh man , is there any worse style on this big lump of beautiful Earth than that shit ? Now she starts to grate on me , she has an I-Phone (immediate cunt) but aside from that its the way she uses it , she`s stroking it like its some kind of future cat from Judge Dred...All she needs now is some fucking magic wand like http://bbc.in/cYHh92 from Rent-A-Ghost and she`s there...a fully fledged fucktard that plays world of warcraft whilst plunging an arcane medievil dildo in and out of her clapped out minge...so i start to battle with myself now , " now now mate , calm down , she`s just one of lifes many CUNTS ! " Lord give me the strength to not do a http://bit.ly/eOHG3K and lay waste to every poor sod in sight...but she gets off at Bethnal Green and saves me the fucking bother...

This is for all the lovers...Lovers of love and music! This is sure to give you those adolescent shivers...

Play this and feel the only feeling you need to feel...Mmmmm...I dare you to say this dont make you feel love cats..I just got all sentimental and wanted to share this http://bit.ly/rVyfx.. Have a happy day and tell someone you love `em !

Pretty Pretty , you`re so Shitty....

So cats....whats all this pretty pretty business ? We cant seem to get away from pretty pretty...everything is Rose Tinted at the moment...There is the "i`m a girl who doesnt conform so i`m gonna sing folk style"... so you`re conforming then babe , simple as that...You are going to sing in a gravelly , almost constant falsetto to fool us all into thinking butter wouldnt melt in your fanny...do me a favour...and the names ! Vagina Plectrum ! Oh man , im gonna keel over and vom...youre so shitty, pretty pretty...
And the invasion of the pin-curled maniacs...its not a Tarantiono Sci-Fi horror man , its really happening...They are all over the manor , anyone would think its the second world war again, the streets are full of horrid 1940`s tat and dudes are starting to think they should change their names to "buck" or "chet" , they actually believe it man...its fuckin shocking to think people will believe they are totally individual , yet they hang in packs where the only individuality going for a penny is the fact that underneath it all they have an I-Phone and calvins around their crown jewels , plus a pack of durex featherlites , i thought it was supposed to be a geronimo re-useable number ???? There is a place in London where i swear to god the only thing missing is a doodlebug spluttering overhead and total curfew.... and every damn boozer you go in is packed to the rafters with scenesters running amock with quiffs and spectacles slobbering all over little Gene Kelly`s who appreciate "talented men ".. your fucking idiocy is a tribute to your parents...Go and bask in your notoriety , your Wayfarers are sure to "have your back"...

Morning Hip Cats...

Get your kings round this slice of pie , crank it up ! Dont let anything put you off...Memphis Mama  !!http://bit.ly/cWh2HN

Dan Corbett...megadon !

This dude is the consummate proffessional...he`s quite literally left all the dodgy tie`rs in his wake (scuse the pun) ...this man knows how to explain a large oceanic swell to us...Check out his material , cant see him misdiagnosing a hurricane...I love this man`s squally rain , BRRRRAP ! http://bit.ly/hIJ7G1

Vans...No mate , you`re too late !

Right , now listen here son...you are a little bit like Essex cats are to London cats...London cats are ahead of Essex cats in the style stakes...You wearing a pair of Vans aint gonna gain the respect of the Rock and Rollers...You aint a skater and you probably didnt listen to Rock music until all saints made it cool to look like a goth...You suck ass my friend..you also put your wet Vans on the chair on the bus...and i can smell the rottenness of your wet feet and their impact on the all weather material of the seat...and its turning the fabric yellow , now i wonder , what would you say if i sat in your mums house , with the horse brasses hanging from the wall and the cruddy photos of you as a little runt in your school best adorning the nasty 70`s display cabinet that looks like something straight out of Abigails Kitchen and put my plates up on her DFS munter of a sofa , what the outcome would be ?...would you have a little word in my shell "sorry mate , please take your plates off , my mum will go nuts"..I reckon you would son. So why do you get all Kevin & Perry on me when i say to you that really it takes the piss when you rest your feet on the seats ?..honestly you really do show me your spoilt side treacle so now i just have to grab your foot and take it off the seat ..why now are you looking at me all blushing because you cant quite believe what ive just done you little mug..with your spikey at the back and slick on the fringe hairstyle and your superdry gilet with, you guessed it , a lumberjack fucking shirt on...you kid are a cunt and never let yourself be told you are anything but...gutted , you got told and you read the sun...now get off the bus and be an also ran in life...i`m sure Arseblade Shire will keep the rockstar dreams alive in your pretty little empty head...

Do yourself a favour !

Stop getting " Done Like A Mug" listening to Messie Tray and wrap your kings round a master...or masters...listen to something amazing...dont listen to anything mediocre...refuse to do it..furnish your senses with something extraordinary..even if its not quite your thang , stay in touch with reality and get down with the real headz...http://youtu.be/Uldu_1-JCJE

Hippy Chanel...i live in a straw bale hut because Mummy said i could...

you know how it is , these fackin students love wearing these expensive MP3 jobbies and playing really fucking annoying music on their tinny little headphones....i guess all that education never taught them that ambient noise can be really irritating ... i had some stupid cunt of a crusty whore sitting in front of me and all i could hear was pearl fucking jam..i wanted to do a flob in her dreds but i just buried my nose in a book instead...maybe she will fall face first onto the tracks on the tube and be flattened...after a little shove from someone else like me who has come to the end of their tether with these kants !

Hippy Chanel....student hell....

The man that invented the MP3 player/I-snot without a volume limiter should be hunted down and subjected to that scene from Eastenders last night where those two mock Essex birds delivered probably the most amateur , lethargic and benign performance in British Television history....on a loop , full blast , with his hands tied behind his back Fritzel style.. Kants !!!

One in the poo...

One in the goo , one in the pink and one in the stink...never before did i stop to think what this little rhyme could do to a table of clones..when i experimented and implemented this demented piece of pie...i relished the shock and awe i saw in the young mans big brown eyes...the table in its entirety took on a chaotic kind of sobriety...in other words i was shown...that the winds of aspirational change had blown...and blown strongly in the favour of the Good Ship Jolly Ranter...question is , does a male Barracuda have the ability to do the double over a female Barracuda ? ...HAVE A WORD !