Vans...No mate , you`re too late !

Right , now listen here son...you are a little bit like Essex cats are to London cats...London cats are ahead of Essex cats in the style stakes...You wearing a pair of Vans aint gonna gain the respect of the Rock and Rollers...You aint a skater and you probably didnt listen to Rock music until all saints made it cool to look like a goth...You suck ass my friend..you also put your wet Vans on the chair on the bus...and i can smell the rottenness of your wet feet and their impact on the all weather material of the seat...and its turning the fabric yellow , now i wonder , what would you say if i sat in your mums house , with the horse brasses hanging from the wall and the cruddy photos of you as a little runt in your school best adorning the nasty 70`s display cabinet that looks like something straight out of Abigails Kitchen and put my plates up on her DFS munter of a sofa , what the outcome would be ?...would you have a little word in my shell "sorry mate , please take your plates off , my mum will go nuts"..I reckon you would son. So why do you get all Kevin & Perry on me when i say to you that really it takes the piss when you rest your feet on the seats ?..honestly you really do show me your spoilt side treacle so now i just have to grab your foot and take it off the seat ..why now are you looking at me all blushing because you cant quite believe what ive just done you little mug..with your spikey at the back and slick on the fringe hairstyle and your superdry gilet with, you guessed it , a lumberjack fucking shirt on...you kid are a cunt and never let yourself be told you are anything but...gutted , you got told and you read the sun...now get off the bus and be an also ran in life...i`m sure Arseblade Shire will keep the rockstar dreams alive in your pretty little empty head...